September Update

So I am back to school for the first time in three years... It's a bit refreshing to be back in class as the autumn season approaches. This is my favorite time of year, and although I know I'll be EXTRA busy will all the projects I am committing myself to, its still really exciting.

I made the seemingly crazy choice to take three language classes at once (it feeds into my career field, and has been a life goal of mine for some time now), I am expanding my home/educational business, and I have several projects and gigs that overlap including a friend's wedding in late October and application deadlines for Grad schools (of which I am still researching and narrowing down) due by December 1st. If I disappear now and then between posts, you can imagine why!



Recently, at my school bookstore, I happened upon a discount book table... a deadly thing for a collector such as myself, and I purchased some promising books on cooking for a fraction of their selling price. This long weekend (having a few days off for a change) I cracked open one of them and was pleasantly surprised by the author...

If you could see my book collection, you would notice a number of books dedicated to diets and cooking. Everything from styles of cooking, baking and grilling, to particular flare such as Italian and Thai. But, alas, I am no cook.

(Photo Credit: sexualityinart.wordpress.com )

 
Every so often, with confident stride, I will try a new recipe... but beyond that my skills have been limited to such culinary delights as: cheese melted over tortilla chips & served with salsa, boxed Macaroni & cheese, and cereals. I do make a pretty mean salad, but even that isn't really imaginative most of the time.

However... upon reading this new book, I felt encouraged to cook in a way that I never have before. I haven't tried any of the recipes listed, or the skills described, I AM only a third of the way through... but reading this book has made me rethink my approach to food on a whole new scale. I finally feel like I have a place to start, and that makes me feel really excited.

 

(Photo Credit: insatiabear.wordpress.com )

I'm already excited about shopping for cookwear and digging in! Here's to a season of New skills & New Tastes to try! Wish me luck! I'll try to post photos and recipes as I go. ^_^

...Heck, maybe Sir will even Give-Me-A-Hand in the kitchen! ;)

 (Photo Credit: insatiabear.wordpress.com )

HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND EVERYONE!

Reasons I want a Spanking

I'm up far later than I had intended... and I really feel like having a spanking would help. Here is my list of reasons why:

1.) There was a creepy stalker murder/drama movie on tonight and I'm having a hard time feeling "okay" since watching a bit of it... (I really don't care for violence).

2.) I'm on my "lady time" and I feel pretty tired, grumpy and unsexy at the moment.

3.) My mind is racing through tasks I want to get to, lists I have to make, and all sort of other non-sleep-like activities. A spanking would really clear the mind.

4.) I feel "locked" in place, stuck in some way, and from my estimation it feels like some kind of emotional wall.

5.) Sir and I don't get enough "adult time" on even a semi-regular basis... I'm feeling lonely.

6.) For me to function effectively, I should have a spanking about every-other day.

7.) A good spanking is like a good bed-time story - makes you feel warm and cared for.

8.) He's just so darn GOOD at it.

9.) I deserve a little prompting for an apology I owe him for getting "cross" at him this evening.

10.) I should be SLEEPING! That is reason enough for a good wallop!

Goodnight, and sweet dreams of warm buns...

...Or should it be "Warm Buns for Breakfast"? Hehehe, either way.

Night!

Learning to Let Go

This poem was inspired by a recent conversation between Sir and I, where we had discussed the "pressures" of the DD lifestyle, and the "spanking dynamic" of dominance and submission.
 


We have often talked about his side of things... whether from his side, or my feelings on how he should act while "in the act" of things... but I realized, during this last debate, that my struggles with submission had never really been talked about in relation to us having a session.

After stating my feelings on the act of submission (like how his tone of voice has the ability to awaken a STRONG resistance in me) I sat and thought about things a bit more...

Its hard not to "top from the bottom". Its not that I want to control the outcome of the situation (lack of control is Actually what I'm trying to find) but trust is not so easily found within such a vulnerable circumstance. Very often I can feel bulldozed and bullied by his requests. I can feel overlooked, in a way, even though I am the focus of our little rendezvous. And although I want to present myself and my actions as a gift to him, it seems at times like my offerings are taken rather than received.




These words are simply a artistic presentation of the emotions and experiences of a naturally dominant woman, as she tries to find comfort within submission...




Learning to Let Go


Initially I'm confident - I tease and prod and play,
but nervousness creeps up my neck as we make our way -
down the hall and to to the room where we have made the plans we chose.
Very quickly I am nervous, and my brazen nature goes.

In the corner I am standing and I will not meet your eyes,
meek and bashful as I wait there, hoping you will compromise.
Skip the talking and the questions, and the actions and requests...
As the scene plays out, I'm fighting every urge to shout protests.

Very slowing, with intensity, you strip me of my clothes,
my protection and my walls, until before you I'm exposed.
But you are not quick to re-cover, or to shelter what you own,
overwhelmed by my emotions... I am distant and alone.

You may touch me while I'm standing - bittersweet it feels, if so,
I melt into your intrusion, but I'm fearful you won't go -
to the duties we are here for, to the part I really crave.
So I try to show some patience, not to rush you, to behave.

If you question me I'm dying, please release me from this place...
can't we talk once this is over, across your lap where I feel safe?
And by now I've showed in protest, resistant pauses and small sighs,
that I'm ever more than ready to be draped over your thighs.

So you take me to position, pulling me with strength and ease,
shifting me until my bottom is uplifted, as to seize -
every smack that I have coming, every spank that you desire,
till my breath has turned to panting and cheeks burn as if on fire.

As you spank me, I grow closer, and I offer myself up;
rising high to meet each strike, and spreading wider as you cup -
underneath me. I moan softly, begging for your every touch,
each caress draws out a shiver, as my hands search out to clutch...

...at the sheets spread out around me, and I pray that you won't stop.
Tease me, spank me, till I'm ready - or when tears begin to drop.
Make me hot and red and raw for you, a girl to serve you well.
Use the rhythm of your hands, to erase the thoughts that dwell -

The thoughts that tell me that I can't, and won't - submission is too hard.
Keep me hanging on the edge of pain, until I can discard...
every brick from every wall I build, prideful words that underscore -
my resistance to be taken...
                                                    ...to admit that I am yours.

August 2013

Needing a Hand

Yesterday was a bust. The day was long for both of us in different ways. We both pushed where we shouldn't have, and we both payed for it.

I don't regret standing up to him... all too often I allow him to justify the reasoning behind what he had intended to do or say, or come across. But last night I felt tired of being hurt, and sick of being apologized to. (Not that he does it all the time)

But that doesn't mean that I was nice either...



There were some saving graces. We didn't argue the whole night. He stayed longer than planned and we cuddled on the couch for a bit. But the night ended with a flare of frustration and distance between us (I'd like to thank the academy...)



So now things are at this quiet standoff. The energy between us is almost palpable, even though he is no where near me, and it feels like when it breaks... a storm will hit.

I just want to be past this.

I wish I could find a way to show him respect without feeling like it make me small, overlooked and unappreciated. I want to show him that I will always honor his position, and NOT have that feel like a dig at my pride...

I just can't seem to do it. I'm so wrapped up in how easily he can effect me, that I can't even touch the concept of how I effect him.




...I don't want him to spank me.


I don't want him to call me out on the things I said that were disrespectful, even if I was coming from a place of feeling disrespected the time. I don't want to apologize for what "at the time" felt rather justified. Well YOU were mean, so it's MY turn...

But I really don't want this  d i s t a n c e  between us.


I can't get past the stubborn side of my pride to even see how he cares about me. One misstep and I close up. Admittedly, it feels like more than a "whoops" when he does something like that without thought to my feelings... but I can't even climb over this wall, let alone tear it down. I am well hidden behind my castle, completely impenetrable.

I don't want this.

He doesn't deserve this.

We neeed to fix this.



I need one of those awful, stupid, uncalled for, totally deserving spankings. (sigh)

HOT Summer Days

It has been an interesting summer of humid heat and lots of rain. I have been craving a day at the beach for weeks... between the crazy HOT weather, my current lack of central air, and my even crazier work schedule I have been BURNING, but haven't made it to the beach yet. But I hope to soon!

It would be nice to cool off a bit...

...and maybe "heat" things up a bit too! I've been wanting a good TAN.  ;)

Beach Story coming soon, I can feel it.

**Photo is not owned or copyrighted by blog author, it was found in a websearch and can be removed if legal issues arise**