A Fantasy

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Reasons I want a Spanking

I'm up far later than I had intended... and I really feel like having a spanking would help. Here is my list of reasons why:

1.) There was a creepy stalker murder/drama movie on tonight and I'm having a hard time feeling "okay" since watching a bit of it... (I really don't care for violence).

2.) I'm on my "lady time" and I feel pretty tired, grumpy and unsexy at the moment.

3.) My mind is racing through tasks I want to get to, lists I have to make, and all sort of other non-sleep-like activities. A spanking would really clear the mind.

4.) I feel "locked" in place, stuck in some way, and from my estimation it feels like some kind of emotional wall.

5.) Sir and I don't get enough "adult time" on even a semi-regular basis... I'm feeling lonely.

6.) For me to function effectively, I should have a spanking about every-other day.

7.) A good spanking is like a good bed-time story - makes you feel warm and cared for.

8.) He's just so darn GOOD at it.

9.) I deserve a little prompting for an apology I owe him for getting "cross" at him this evening.

10.) I should be SLEEPING! That is reason enough for a good wallop!

Goodnight, and sweet dreams of warm buns...

...Or should it be "Warm Buns for Breakfast"? Hehehe, either way.

Night!

Silent Submission

My Sir gave me a spanking...

(Photo found earlier via google image search for "spanked bottom")

Things have been stressful leading up to, but not limited to, a family wedding that I had a VERY big hand in pulling together. With tension getting to a heightened state, I asked my Sir if he would kindly lend me a hand the morning of the event.

Unfortunately, we got into a disagreement the night prior... and I wasn't feeling very "submissive" when I called off suggested "canceling our session". He said to give it the evening and I could decide in the morning how I was feeling... (a very good idea, considering my stress point).

The next morning we met up. And although time was short, it did help.




We began jokingly (as we tend to do when it's been a while), he asked if I was "up to things" and I said yes. And with all lead-up aside, I slipped off my dress and was "tipped" across the bed.

As the spanking began, I felt my mind start to wander. Not away from the activity, but my mind is always racing and I found myself drifting in and out between "in-the-moment" and to the various tasks I was concerned about. As he spanked me, I deepened my breath and did my best to focus just on the space I was in.

I looked at the room I was in, I felt each slap as it descended upon my bottom, and relaxed my muscles and I breathed. This approach lead me to do something I have never done...

I was completely silent through the spanking.




I took every spank without a peep. And though my thoughts ran their usual course of "why does he always slap my one cheek more than the other?" and "I wish he would spank me a little harder, I can take it", but I decided not to say anything.

And I found through my in-the-moment focus & the release-of-control I gave by NOT telling him m every wish and experience while over his lap, the experience became very meditative.




Sir spanked me for some time, then checked in with me. He had become concerned that my silence was an indicator that I wasn't really in the head-space for it. I did my best to convey that I was indeed interested and open to a spanking, without losing my new-found approach.

Sir was good enough to continue.

He then asked me to stand so that my panties could be removed. When I stood, I asked him...

"Should I do it, or would you like to...?"

"Would you prefer?"

 "I... I would like to do what you want."

"This is for you, what would please you?"

 "To please you... I need for this to not be my decision. I need to not be in charge..."

He removed my panties himself, and I crawled over his lap for further spanking.





As the spanking went on, I felt as though I might cry. I couldn't place the emotion, only that I was close to a state of release - I wasn't upset, or mad, or disappointed, I have just never felt quite like that before.

Sir stopped my spanking.

Rubbing my bottom he asked if I needed anything... And very shakily I asked him if he would give me a hard, quick spanking... for a little bit. He agreed, and asked me to let him know if it was too much.

Then the REAL spanking began.

(Photo Credit: http://spankinkandsubmission.tumblr.com)

The spanking was really rough and I found it hard to hold still. Especially when he spanked my sit-spot. I found myself clenching as I rocked back and fourth over his lap. 

Sir did not stop at my reaction, he and continued right along with each well-placed slap. I did my best to keep quiet, but as his hand descended on my rosy, swollen bottom I started to yelp in little wordless grunts.

Finally... after what felt like forever, my spanking ended and I collapsed across his lap, panting from the vigorous exercise .

I felt relaxed, but also nervous. I felt the overwhelming urge to "serve"`Sir, but I didn't know how to tell him. I felt stupid and awkward in my new submissive state. I waited for his command...

 

(Photo Credit: www.blackplanet.com)

How could I ask him to have me serve him?

What if I was bad at it?

  What if he asked for something I was scared to do?

...We didn't have much time that morning,
and I have yet to "thank" Sir properly for my spanking...

But I'm hoping to find myself with a red bottom and a quiet mind soon.

Wish me luck!

Learning to Let Go

This poem was inspired by a recent conversation between Sir and I, where we had discussed the "pressures" of the DD lifestyle, and the "spanking dynamic" of dominance and submission.
 


We have often talked about his side of things... whether from his side, or my feelings on how he should act while "in the act" of things... but I realized, during this last debate, that my struggles with submission had never really been talked about in relation to us having a session.

After stating my feelings on the act of submission (like how his tone of voice has the ability to awaken a STRONG resistance in me) I sat and thought about things a bit more...

Its hard not to "top from the bottom". Its not that I want to control the outcome of the situation (lack of control is Actually what I'm trying to find) but trust is not so easily found within such a vulnerable circumstance. Very often I can feel bulldozed and bullied by his requests. I can feel overlooked, in a way, even though I am the focus of our little rendezvous. And although I want to present myself and my actions as a gift to him, it seems at times like my offerings are taken rather than received.




These words are simply a artistic presentation of the emotions and experiences of a naturally dominant woman, as she tries to find comfort within submission...




Learning to Let Go


Initially I'm confident - I tease and prod and play,
but nervousness creeps up my neck as we make our way -
down the hall and to to the room where we have made the plans we chose.
Very quickly I am nervous, and my brazen nature goes.

In the corner I am standing and I will not meet your eyes,
meek and bashful as I wait there, hoping you will compromise.
Skip the talking and the questions, and the actions and requests...
As the scene plays out, I'm fighting every urge to shout protests.

Very slowing, with intensity, you strip me of my clothes,
my protection and my walls, until before you I'm exposed.
But you are not quick to re-cover, or to shelter what you own,
overwhelmed by my emotions... I am distant and alone.

You may touch me while I'm standing - bittersweet it feels, if so,
I melt into your intrusion, but I'm fearful you won't go -
to the duties we are here for, to the part I really crave.
So I try to show some patience, not to rush you, to behave.

If you question me I'm dying, please release me from this place...
can't we talk once this is over, across your lap where I feel safe?
And by now I've showed in protest, resistant pauses and small sighs,
that I'm ever more than ready to be draped over your thighs.

So you take me to position, pulling me with strength and ease,
shifting me until my bottom is uplifted, as to seize -
every smack that I have coming, every spank that you desire,
till my breath has turned to panting and cheeks burn as if on fire.

As you spank me, I grow closer, and I offer myself up;
rising high to meet each strike, and spreading wider as you cup -
underneath me. I moan softly, begging for your every touch,
each caress draws out a shiver, as my hands search out to clutch...

...at the sheets spread out around me, and I pray that you won't stop.
Tease me, spank me, till I'm ready - or when tears begin to drop.
Make me hot and red and raw for you, a girl to serve you well.
Use the rhythm of your hands, to erase the thoughts that dwell -

The thoughts that tell me that I can't, and won't - submission is too hard.
Keep me hanging on the edge of pain, until I can discard...
every brick from every wall I build, prideful words that underscore -
my resistance to be taken...
                                                    ...to admit that I am yours.

August 2013

Beach Bum - Part 3

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